
I yelled at an old man. Not only did I yell at him, I pushed him over first, and then I yelled at him.
Not one of my proudest moments.
For as long as I can remember I’ve loved to compete. I grew up as the youngest in a family of 3 boys. My dad, brothers, and I, would often play a “rip-snortin” game of backgammon, cribbage, road hockey, basketball, or badminton. We all took it dead serious and the competition level was always 100%. Losing was not an option, win at all cost.
It’s crazy what sports can do to you. Competitiveness can consume you. Everything I’ve ever learnt about integrity goes out the window as soon as the ref blows the starting whistle, or you click your sticks together three times as you say, “N” “H” “L”.
A few years back I was playing soccer with Youth Church in the BC Christian Soccer League. Our team was undefeated in regular season play and we were heading into the playoffs. We were playing a team that had seniors, women, and children on their squad. This was a ‘must win’ game and it should have been a walk in the park.
Halfway through the game, we found ourselves down by a goal, and the intensity started to pick up. The ball hit my leg and went out of bounds, and I argued with the ref that I never touched the ball. Clearly I knew the ball hit me, but I pleaded my case admittedly. I justified in my mind that lying was ok, if it meant we had a better chance at winning. Besides it’s just a game, does God really care about a game? What happens on the field stays on the field, right? I can become a totally different person when I am on the field and justify it by making excuse after excuse.
And then it happened.
One of the lowest points in my life.
A tall, older gentlemen, most likely retired, was my check all game. Every time I touched the ball, he would tug on my shirt, and kick me in the shins. It was a battle all game. I got to my breaking point. When he came in for the next hard tackle, I dropped my shoulder and shoved him to the ground. I stood over him like a warrior over his conquered enemy, and yelled, “GET UP OLD MAN!!”
It wasn’t until after the game that I was able to process what had just happened.
What was I thinking?
Who was I out there?
Did all that really just happen?
I am a pastor, a Christian. I should know better.
How can I claim to love Jesus one moment, and then go act like an idiot out there the next?
It’s like I cared more about the score of the match, then I did about my convictions and my beliefs. Unlike the colors of the soccer ball, I was playing in the grey areas when I knew full well black from white. Yet, I was willing to justify it for the end result.
Mark 8:36 says, “What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?”
Will my trophy impress Jesus, when my means of getting it disappointed him?
On my final day of judgement when Jesus asks me to give an account of my life, will I have time to run back to my fridge and take the magnet off of the score sheet to go show Him?
“Jesus, look! My team won the championship! Yes, I compromised my integrity to get it, but still... we won!”
Too bad soccer skills aren’t on the list of things that will get you into heaven.
We can lie, cheat, and steal, and gain everything we ever wanted on earth, but if we have to forfeit our integrity, our morals, our very soul, it’s just not worth it. It gets us nowhere. We are not bringing any of our earthly accomplishments with us to heaven.
I want people to know that I’m in love with Jesus by the way I act, whether I’m playing soccer or not.
I want to follow after Christ and be a man of integrity.
“If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?” – Jesus